We've had many people call or email with their love and concern about Grace, and that means so much to us! I'm so sorry we're slow to post, but life's a bit of a whirlwind right now. So, to fill you in on Grace's status...a new post.
Grace got a fever on Tuesday at midnight. When a child is going through Cancer treatment, any fever requires immediate care. So, the doctors sent us to the ER. By 5 am they admitted Grace because she was in a neutropenic state (meaning she had no immunities to protect her). They started her on a dose of antibiotics and ran a course of tests to determine the cause of her fevers. Her H1N1 came back negative and her blood smears we're clean of viruses. So, we are unsure of what caused her fever, but we do know her last spinal tap and chemo wiped out her immune system. It was no wonder she kept stating that she felt awful all last week. Grace's Neutrophils ( or infection fighting white cells) are consistently going down rather than up, so she may be here for a while. But, she's eating her fair share of bacon and sausage to perk them up again! Her liver enzymes are also not functioning very well, but the doctors aren't too alarmed about it-and say it's just the way her body's way of responding to chemotherapy. Grace is missing home, but living the good life at the hospital. JR ensured that she had every art project possible as well as fun snacks, nail polish kits, and anything fun to pass the time. He is such an incredible dad. Grace positively lights up when JR is around. Grace is being typical Grace. She is joyful, positive, and even when she feels crummy she tries to put on a brave face. Tanner has been hit hard by this experience. The minute he stepped onto the tenth floor here, he said, "eww...I remember the smell of this place." He patiently and lovingly wheeled his sisters around in a wagon around the hallways when Grace was allowed out of isolation (however she's back in it now so other kids won't get her more sick). As he wheeled them he got too much of a glimpse into each child's room. Children his age, babies, you name the age-he saw too many children who should be well and are not. He fell apart when he got home after visiting Grace. Though in the long run he'll be better for the experience, he's grown up too fast from it. Eva is sweet spirited and happy through our chaos and I'm proud of her. For a two year old she really is patient through it, and she trusts us so much, it amazes me. I keep expecting her to throw a fit because of this whole shift in her little world, but she happily dances along. And, Ben...cute little baby Ben. My heart breaks when I can't be with my nursing baby. It feels so unnatural. It feels unnatural to have this separation from one another. If I'm at the hospital with Grace, my heart aches for my other children and JR. If I'm at home with the kids, I look around at Grace's school uniform carefully laid out where she would have worn it if not in the hospital or her bed without the warmth of her tiny body and I can't stand it. Being in the hospital again stirs up forgotten, or rather, suppressed emotions that have been tucked away for later healing. I'm sitting here tonight, staring at Grace with her lights out mask over her eyes, tubes connected to her, and listening to a faint cry from a child down the hall. I just keep thinking, we're so blessed that this is our first trip back here, since the first trip here on Aug. 13 of 2008. I keep thinking that this whole world of Cancer is very sobering indeed. I keep thinking that if, by God's good graces, Grace is allowed to live a long life she can be a mother someday. I hope then, she'll know just how much I love her, and JR loves her.
