Listening...

All night I listened to Grace whimper in her hospital bed.  She's having nightmares.  She usually does in the hospital.  I climbed into bed by her to just feel her near me and let her know she isn't alone.  I listened to her heavy breathing-wheezy and choppy and watched her pulse race on the side of her neck.  I stroked her hair and listened...I heard a baby in the next room screaming.  That baby sounded very little.  Tanner can't stand when he knows there are babies with Cancer.  Can't blame him.

Last night we made it to the Broadway Lion King...AMAZING.   I really wanted to listen to the sound of Gracie's laughter next to me.  Her little body couldn't keep up with her desire to be there.  Grandma Shele stayed with her and Ben at the hospital.  

When we returned to the hospital, I listened to sweet Ben giggling in Grandma's arms and cooing for me to please nurse him!  And, then I listened to the chair rock back and forth as I nursed him to sleep in the quiet hallways at Doernbecher.   Eva had already fallen asleep  and JR waited with her in the car...she had such a magical time at the Lion King.  

But, perhaps the heaviest sound that fell on my ears that night were those of Tanner's cries and pleading for me to please just come home.  I can't describe what it is like to hear Grace say...mom please don't go.  Or Eva say, "mom you are going to come home now."  Or, Tanner tell me how much he HATES Cancer and wants me home with him.  It's the same if JR leaves...they just want him there.  One thing is for sure...being separated for any period of time is hard on our family.  But, we are unsure of how long that will be.  Grace's fever still stagnates. She feels awful.  

Hopefully soon...I'll listen to the sounds of giggling and talking as we're all at our home together again.  I'd even take hearing the sound of Eva and Grace arguing if it meant we were together! 

Amazing Grace!

Last night was a hard one for her, yet you would never even know.  

Her night started great as Grandma Shele and Aunt Sammy flew in at a moments notice to comfort and help. Grace was so excited and grateful for their love as were we all.  When everyone left Grace fell asleep easily, but not for long.

At 12:30 and 2am Grace woke up and her vitals were taken which usually consists of her blood pressure, her temperature, her oxygen level and so on. This is usually done by, for lack of a better description, poking and proding her. She doesn't even seem to care as she is woken up every couple of hours to be checked. She usually complies as she lifts her arms when needed , holds the thermometer in her mouth or turns to allow the blood pressure cuff to be applied. 

This is the normal routine, but at 4am, her oxygen levels seemed a little low. After checking her out 5 or 6 times, restarting the machine, changing out the sensors, and turning on the oxygen tube to allow more oxygen to flow to her lungs, the nurse ordered a chest x-ray just to be sure there was not fluid in her lungs. Grace waited patiently, never complaining, never even acting put out for 2 and a half hours until the x-rays were done and she fell back asleep. 

Everytime we return to the hospital, she somehow is feeling her worst, but exhibits her strength in ways that are unimaginable. I was annoyed just watching all the work done on her little body and yet she took it gracefully.

The good news is everything looks good, she has a viral infection and now we play the waiting game while we wait for her fever to leave and her numbers to climb. One good note is that the Doctors are giving her a pass to leave the hospital to attend the Lion King, a gift from Grandma Shele and Grandpa Glen for Eva's birthday. She was so excited to hear she would not have to miss this and we hope she will be home so as to not miss the 4th.

We will continue to update this as to her status.

Grace is back in the hospital

Just to inform everyone, Grace had a fever of 102 last night at about 2am. She has been at the hospital ever since. We are told that she will be there at least 48 hours, but it could be much longer depending on how her numbers do. Right now she is neutropenic, which means her white blood cells are very low. We will update the blog when we know more.

12 years and going strong!

Yesterday, was Kim and my 12th anniversary. What an amazing 12 years. I am extremely grateful for the amazing woman I married. I didn't consider myself wise when I was 18, so how I managed to catch the most amazing woman, mother, wife, and friend is beyond me.

Kim surprised me with my favorite appetizer, my favorite sushi restaurant, and my favorite raspberry chocolate cups. We had a great time and the entire day our kids were wishing us a happy anniversary and making us cards. It was a great day.

Here are some videos of Eva's first Ballet class. She did an amazing job, unfortunately you cannot hear her class because the dance studio is partitioned off from the viewing area. Grace volunteered to film these videos. She is the youngest one in her class, but loves it so much she wore her tutu all day and has been asking everyday if it is ballet day (Mondays). If you think her moves in class are nice you should see her freestyle in the house!

CHEER CAMP, LEMONADE STANDS, AND A CAMPING TRIP

Making a Lemonade stand to prepare for summer weather. The kids designed it and were so proud when it was done, that they played store in the backyard.

Kim, Tanner, Eva, and Ben brought Grace some Roses for her hard work. We will probably never know how hard it was for Grace to go each day. She had a spinal tap on Friday and has a fractured Radius bone. Yet everyday, whether she was feeling awful or not she got ready and worked at it. She came home bruised and exhausted, sometimes sick with her Chemo, yet today, she did it and did an amazing job. She is so proud of herself and we are too for her hard work, her perserverence, and her courage. Tonight as she said her prayers she said "thank you for giving me the courage to overcome my fear of performing in front of A LOT of people."

Tanner and I camped along the Deschutes river this last weekend for Father's and Sons. It was great, although we got rained on most of the evening it didn't stop us from playing night games like capture the flag and catching fish. Tanner was in Heaven, and like always a great kid to be with.

Althought Eva was trying to do her own filming and Ben isn't feeling well, Kim got some great video of Grace's cheer performance on her last day of cheer camp.