Grace started Delayed Intensification on Tuesday. But, there was nothing delayed about our intense feelings. We have worried, been warned about, and prepared for this phase of her chemo for a while now. We know this will be eight difficult weeks for Grace in so many ways. From hair loss to steroid effects, it's just hard on such a tiny body.
Grace had a spinal tap on Tuesday and received intrathecal methotrexate. Fortunately, they listened to me this time when I was absolutely persistent that they use the Whitaker needle-it is smaller, and makes it less likely that she'll get her awful spinal tap headaches. The headaches usually hit about 3-5 days after the spinal tap, so we'll cross our fingers that it worked! The spinal taps are hard on her, and we know that the chemo there causes brain damage, however to what extent, we won't know until after chemo is done in two and a half more years. She also received vincrinstine through her port and a new chemo she's never had-Doxorubicin. Tuesday, she was exhausted and hurting. Wednesday she was achey and vomiting often. But, thankfully, today she had more energy and didn't vomit. We kept right on top of the nausea medicine so she wouldn't feel the effects. She actually did a dance off today and at moments felt ok. She is one tough little lady-always focusing on the good and wanting to have fun, despite the war that wages on inside of her. We are really proud of her, and grateful that her medicine is working. We are proud of how compassionate and understanding Tanner is and grateful that Eva is so fun loving and happy.
Grace goes back to the hospital tomorrow morning for chemo shots and then returns again on Tuesday for more chemo. She's a precious child, and it's hard to see her suffer. One thought keeps returning to my mind this week-why??? I don't know...it just keeps replaying in my head. "It is far better to light one candle then to curse the darkness."
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6 comments:
You are so good at articulating your emotions. What a time for you and your family.
I love the quote you put, "It is far better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." I like it because there will be the darkness that you can't control, but you can choose how much light you want to provide. I think this is a common situation throughout life. One can make the decision to let the dark consume them. You, clearly, have not taken this path and you and your family will be blessed for it.
I love you, and as your sis wish I could take away this suffering. I know I cannot, so thank you for being a light that I turn to.
My heart is breaking for little Grace, and I so wish I could bear her pains, and I know you do to. Its so hard to watch our little ones suffering. Its so hard to know WHY we receive the trials we do. Especially cause it can feel like we can't handle them. My only thing to say is remember the savior and tell him everything you are feeling. I think if we loose sight of that. Our darkness hovers over us, and we can't get out of it. You guys are all such bright lights. You motivate all of us so much!! You are my light, and you help me keep going. Know that you are all SO loved right now, that I hope you NEVER feel alone, and I hope Gracey never feels alone at this time. We pray for you everynight!! And Kaelyn always wants to see Grace. Take care. We LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
we have been thinking of you this week. I am glad to hear that Grace is hanging in there and able to still enjoy some fun. Nothing like a dance off to raise your spirits, right?
That is what I keep asking, "why???" I know we shouldn't....can't, really, but I can't stop asking...We love you, pray for G continuously, and wish we could take this away from you, and especially from her. Love you guys.
Why indeed! We are praying for you, and hope that this does not dampen your holiday spirits. Thank you for always sharing your thoughts with us, I appreciate hearing them! I know that Heavnely Father appreciates hearing your thought and concerns as well. Love you!
You have such amazing strength, I can't even begin to imagine the constant worries and struggles that you, Grace and your dear little family face each day. Yet you seem to handle this time in your life with such strength and a positive attitude, just like that beautiful quote says. Give Grace a big love from us and know that we love you and will continue to pray for you all.
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