After chemo...

Gracie did remarkably well at chemo. She had three forms of chemo: vincristine, methotrexate (through her port in her chest) and a spinal tap-with more methotrexate in her spinal column. Grace continues to astound us. That day, she was happy, energized and playful. She lasted until 3pm that afternoon, and then got really nauseated and unwell. It is not that Grace doesn't feel awful most the time, but she tries so very hard to be happy and she is so joyful in general that she really can distract herself from her pain. Tonight, she was crying because her body ached so much. I rocked her to sleep, and relished holding our precious child. As her eyelids grew heavy, she softly said, "I just wish I didn't cause my Cancer." It seems that regardless of how you can reassure her that she has neither caused this, nor is deserving of this, a child's mind goes to the deepest corners of worrying. I told her that she most certainly did NOT cause her Cancer. We explained that Grace is also not defined by her Cancer. Rather, she is conquering something far bigger than most people ever endure! Somehow, she's making it through the hard times. And, there are many. It feels so inadequate to fall short of relieving her suffering. But, if holding her tight as she lulls herself to sleep is what we can do, at least she'll know she's never alone.

Family pics

Bracelets are in!

Thank you once again Grandma, Grandpa, Nick, Max and Sam for the second order of great bracelets.

We have been trying to keep track of who has requested them, but don't feel afraid to ask when you see us.

Eva

Spinal Tap in the morning

This has been a weekend of many ups and downs:

Tanner's soccer team had a end of the year party and it was great. We all got flu shots. As soon as Eva saw the doctor she started to wail, then Grace started cry and there we were, a family of 5 in a little room at the doctors office getting our shots to the tune of crying.

Grace has been very brave. She has not been feeling well and yet continued to try out many things this weekend. We are so very proud of her. Grace went to two birthday parties, one of which was a rollerskating party, and participated in the primary program for church, saying all her lines in front of the congregation. The rollerskating party was great. Grace played with her friends for a couple of hours and even Eva rollerskated between my legs. She has been in high spirits, but tonight she gave us a small peak into what goes on in her life and inside her head.

As Grace was eating an apple tonight she was starring at a picture of herself on our fridge. She began to cry telling me how she wished her life was what it was like before getting sick. She said she hated going to the doctor, hated taking medicine, and wouldn't be back to being healthy until she was a teenager. Kim and I tried to comfort her, but we wanted to let her express herself. When Tanner heard Grace he told her that she should be grateful , although she is going through a very difficult time, she would not want some other girl to have Leukemia who does not have the same family and friend support as Grace. This seemed to comfort grace and once again it was such a sweet moment revealing a little of their relationship. We tried to tell Grace that we felt the same way and wished that we could go through this instead of her. Grace responded "Oh it hurts so bad I would never want this to happen to you."

Because of her courage and positive attitude we forget that Grace hurts all the time. Because she is such a trooper it is nice to hear from her about her feelings. We know everything will go well with her spinal tap and Chemo in the morning and will post with some updates.