chemo/spinal tap day

Grace had chemo today along with a spinal tap. She hasn't left the bed much today and hasn't felt well. She is really amazing though. Today, she accessed her port in 2 minutes!!!! And, she said, "mom, I really hate the feeling when they put me to sleep and my head spins. Please let me just close my eyes while I'm in your arms so I'll feel safer." As I held her and they gave her the "sleepy medicine" I watched her eyes flutter and clench tight as she coped with the things that scare her. Her spinal tap went smoothly and when she awakened she was telling jokes and being silly. Grace really is my hero. I can't believe how much she trusts us and learns to deal with all this insanity. She trusts us enough to still go to chemo, knowing how she'll feel during and after. And, yet she just does it. We are learning so much from watching her.

Alexandra Ellis Caring Cabin

Over the Fourth of July, our family was fortunate enough to stay at the Caring Cabin in Pacific City. A precious little girl named Alexandra Ellis lost her battle with Cancer and out of her family's pain an idea was born. Her parents wanted a haven from the needles, the pains, the worries, the hardship of chemo treatments for other families. Countless volunteers and donors raised millions of dollars to build a little haven nestled in the woods on 24 acres of gorgeous land, all for the relief and enjoyment of families helping a loved one through treatment. We can't explain what this trip meant to us. Maybe we can't even really explain what this year has been like. Sometimes it still feels like a dream, and days such as today-when Grace woke up this morning, went back to bed, went to church, fell asleep at church and was worn out all day-we acknowledge this is HARD on her tiny body. It's not that we haven't had our moments of despair-there have been plenty, but sometimes when you're in the thick of it, you can't take time to mourn it just yet. Believe me, more than a few books about Cancer have been thrown at the wall when I'm on my own and my sweet husband...well-he's not the same man I knew on Aug. 13 of last year. None of us are the same. We won't ever be. Maybe this was why the Caring Cabin was so important for our family. It was like a safe place to really be ok with being apart of the Cancer family and to let our emotions just hang out there. Tanner was really candid about his feelings, Grace couldn't believe how many stones adorned the pathway to the lake-each one carved with the name of a child battling Cancer. And, Eva has had to learn to find happiness wherever she goes, because sometimes life was too hard to provide fun for her (but it has served her well). The cabin was incredible. JR and I got to play with the kids nonstop, and we all laughed and had such a good time. It felt really good to laugh so unguardedly. And, it was ok to cry, too; which we all did at one point or another. Of course, Eva's tears were more on smores night when she found we'd run out of chocolate than they were for Cancer. So sad. So true. And, Grace-when it came time to leave couldn't utter the words, so tears just streamed down her precious little cheeks. Thank you, Heavenly Father for allowing the human spirit to not feel such pain without finding happiness that equals it.

EVA's MAGICAL DAY

She knew what day it was immediately after she woke up she asked to have candy for breakfast. And for the entire day she sang "Happy Birthday to EVA." She had a great day at the gymnastics gym and the OMSI. It was such a fun day and T and G were so thoughtful and made sure Eva was the queen. Here are some pictures and videos from today. Tanner and Grace helped us make the cake last night and it was so fun to see Eva's face when we showed her it this morning.

Happy Birthday Eva Girl!

To the sweetest, most spunky, hilarious, heavenly little two year old on earth-Happy Birthday! Eva, the minute you were born you started crying, but the second they put you in my arms and I spoke to you, you stopped and opened your fresh from Heaven eyes and were content. You are the absolute perfect mix of sugar and spice-you always keep a day interesting and very very busy, but you are like icing on any cake. You stare at us with your giant eyes and say LOVE YOU so sincerely and we just want to inbibe all your sweetness. You make us laugh all day long. Your brother and sister think you are absolutely hilarious. I think you are going to be an amazing woman someday, because in you there is SO much compassion and tenderness and yet you have the drive and ambition to accomplish anything. So, our little sweetheart thank you for two years of an incredibly wild ride and we can't wait to see where life takes us on your journey. (And, tomorrow's journey will take you to a Minnie Mouse cake, a trip to the gymnastics place, and to the OMSI)!